Put from your mind all thoughts of reason sensible thinking and reasons against for five minutes say.
Ok, you feeling free and lucid and maybe a bit sixties flower power?
Awesome, indulge me.
See over the last few months my hearts been telling me something that my brain can’t really correlate, more over something it can’t really control or really rationalise as much as my thought police mind wants to. I’m emphatically in love, truly. People band about love, I used to do it, I was part of the problem contributing to love becoming something no more than an adjective to which you’d use to describe your liking of cheese or shoes. However my heart tells me something different. It pulls at me when I’m apart from her, flushes rational thought away from me when I need to be with her, dopes me with serotonin when I’m lying on the couch with her, feeling how smooth her hand are, how small they feel in my hands.
I want to propose.
There we go, that’s the crux of the thought bi-pass between heart and head. Heart says blow it all and do it, head lines up the problems. Mainly that I worry that I don’t want to keep her engaged for the next three years. Heart says that’s how it used to be in olden days. Via that I mean the fifties. Head says if I had a fiancé I’d like to be nearer to her than I currently am. Heart says distance has proven no object as of yet. Head says I don’t want to send her off and distract her in her last year of university with the calamities of sensible living and almost too grown up ideas. Heart says we could cope. Head says I couldn’t afford the wedding she deserves. Heart says I couldn’t give her the wedding she deserves.
My heart and head are fighting with alarming frequency. Most of all I’m worried she’d say no (rightfully, we’re young) and me getting upset and spoiling things. Every part of me wishes to ask her, and opportunities are presenting themselves in the near future. I need a divine sign, or a less divine sign. A sign.
I am forever the fool and will be lead by feelings and emotions, and to some extent I trust them. Maybe heart will win over head in the end.
