Latitude Excitement!

I have glorious news in the way of scoring (no one ever really says that) tickets to Latitude festival, the idea started a while back brewing in the mind of my mate Philip who whilst in the throws of some sort of university educed boredom or drink session came upon the idea of going to not one, but two festivals this summer, this idea was crazy too crazy for words.

Now, I know people who go to every festival under the sun, people say to their faces that they're cool but behind their backs call them rich idiots or elitist snobs, because financial wise, going to festivals in this country is an expensive affair. Firstly you have the fact that the average festival cost around £150 on face value, but once the website you buy it off, which you have to buy it off take their selling and transaction fees off you you're looking at around £160 before you've even set out the door. Then you've got to buy supplies for the 4 nights you'll be sleeping in a field, which is about £20 plus whatever alcohol you decide to take. And then you get there, and hope you've bought enough food and drink to make it not so desperate to spend £8 on a burger and a coke. It's weird when you come back from a festival and all of a sudden a can doesn't cost a quid and a bottle isn't two.

So yes, going to two festivals is a big step for me, and an exciting one and a really cool and fun thing and a quite naughty thing all at the same time. Hah, well my mum and dad have left for for two weeks and it falls smack in the middle of it all, and I'm supposed to be saving and looking for a part time job, however I can't really just say to them, "naaah I'm gonna spend £200 instead" so hopefully with a bit of help from my sister looking after the cat, they neeeeed never know. And if they ever find out, I'll just tell them it's a poetry festival, which kind of has an element of truth to it, just not that much...I mean there will be poetry there, and multi coloured sheep but I'm pretty sure with the exception of the sheep I'm really just going for the music.

And the words music festival usually fill them with a sort of dread that I'll end up dying of a drug educed coma, where in lies only a smidge of truth, if we're going to relapse then why not in a pretty safe as houses environment? I'd never get out of my head around here, it's too dangerous, it's a little dangerous getting drunk in Wolves, your mugging likelihood gets quadrupled.

So yeah, mega fun times ahead!

Dreaming only of spring.

Good morning and evening and night.

I’m feeling very chipper and happy thus completely proving I’m a bi-polar nutcase without all the fun drugs and writing contracts to produce amazing works of fiction, never the less I can create works of fiction. I think I can anyway, that’s a half truth that stands one foot firmly in fact but the other in some amazing world that I create myself. Whenever writing fiction I’ve always had to pull off my own resources to produce it. I need to get worked up into a state to write and sometimes that’s when I produce my most vicious moments. But it’s only ever written down; I’m not a nasty person because I’ve never really transferred any of that emotion I’ve ever felt from the page to the person.

For a time it would be the case for all my emotions. I’d write at great lengths before about love and what it could do to you and how it could “make you feel and pick you up and send you off to another place free of everything shit and dark and just keep you in that place of utter happiness for that one incredible moment” but I’d never actually take a leap and a guess and a shot in the dark and act on any of those big words and romanticised gestures.

Every relationship before Nathalie I’d fallen into. I’d not tried to get into them so they came along and they were there and so was I and all of a sudden I was in a relationship not knowing where I was supposed to be going with it all or what I was supposed to do with either of them. They were fun but they never felt more than a friendship that got a bit passionate at times but nothing really other than physical connections where made, everyone likes to be held and everyone likes to be kissed.

Nathalie was the first girl I’d ever had to chase. I’ve had to seek this relationship out and work so hard on it I almost consider it to be one of the greatest achievements of my life in the last few years, that may read inexplicitly naïve and reek of teenage stupidity but it’s my genuine opinion. The levels of trust I’ve had to gain and keep make me feel better as a person. I don’t feel so loose and unpredictable, I feel more grounded then ever before. I had to be, I had to be the stable one, you can only be fucked around so many times before you give up on things I suppose, and I feel guilty for writing about this so candidly so I’ll leave this one for the time being, I don’t like whispers behind backs but I don’t really think of this as that. For once I don’t just write things down, she knows she’s everything there is to be and I feel lighter for it, you shouldn’t keep things to yourself. Call it my tip of the day, tell someone something you’ve wanted to tell them for a long time, it doesn’t matter if they turn you down or put you off you’ll feel better and to a certain extent that’s really all that matters, you can’t live for other people your entire life, eventually you’ve got to look up and take control of your own matters, selfish is good sometimes.

Ok in fascinating news I’ve ordered a new laptop. I say new, by which I mean my first ever lap top. And it’s a pretty one, it’s a Sony Viao and it’s white and it talks to me in my sleep, I’ve bought it a 500gb external hard drive to be friends with and they’re currently on their way from jersey to come and play round my house. I think we’re going to have the best summer ever. I was looking at the mac notebook for so long, but it was just outside of the budget and if you’ve ever seen the diddy tiny screens you’ll understand why I’ve gone for me (still not massive but better than 12”) 15 and a half” screen. Plus while I really admire the way they work, giving you everything you need to have fun on a computer I just couldn’t help but worry about never having owned one, I wouldn’t know it’s little funny ticks. Much as I do with a PC, what with my mum being a home working accountant so long before her new job, I can remember playing on computers when they were black and green and floppy disks really were floppy (and huge). Ah memories. I was on the internet when I was about 6, I think, looking at the moon landings with my mum on dial up. I’m not quite totally internet generation, but I’m not that far off it? And this is the first computer I’ve ever bought for myself, I’m hoping it’s a good one, from all the reviews I’ve read Sony = quality, and Mike’s had a good few years with his. So woop woop indeed.

Currently listening to Patrick Wolf – Bluebells

For some reason Patrick is giving up live music, I’ll have to make the most of him at Carling, seen him twice before now and he’s genuinely magical.

Anyway, enjoy the song, (hopefully) enjoy the words and goodnight.

x