Trying something different.

I slipped into my simple bed and set down my weary head and oh what wonders of sleep I thought; “oh what wonders surely must wait upon the receiving of my temple to the feathered vestry”. However, moreover, I was greeted less by the welcoming passage of drowsy half sleep (the kind which slowly envelops your mind like a passing tide or an ebbing estuary) rather I was held present as if still needed by my mind to perform some task for it, that my time of work had not yet passed for it and subsequently I was to be held back by it until I had completed my task. My task was seemingly not forthcoming, so battling my thoughts and mind I endeavoured to plunge myself into sleep trying ever more with every breath, sucking in air deeply as if preparing to dive deep down below in an attempt to chart some forgotten plain, as I have not slept deeply or longer than a few hours for some time now and it’s wearing away at me piece by piece. The thoughts dancing around me, casting eerie shadows on the walls of my mind as if a central fire blazed within was that of the future and my place in it which contorts and conspires against my mind being at rest for the evening. A place of one’s own. A novel by Virginia Wolf. Many say she was schizophrenic or at least not very normal when it came to matters of the mind, set out lengthways rather than on a promenade; heaven was touching and hell worth defying. And it is a place of one’s own which consumes thoughts I believed to not have to be considered so hastily nor so abhorrently or with such rapidity. Slow decision making has cost one place of one’s own, and another level of indecision entirely out of my own hands has scorched the earth next offered. Fruitlessly grasping towards ideas and combinations of elements with none producing a forthright conclusion satisfactory for either sector of my mind to comprehend and be pleased with. So there I lay staring at the inside of my eyes in the realisation that I had been a fool, a preposterous fool. And with no real chance of recompense I lie here still. Good night, I shall think for a good deal longer.