And I told you to be pacient and I told you to be fine.

I'm down and out in Paris and London, only I'm in neither London nor Paris, but none the less I'm very nearly down and out.

My main problem seems to be my total lack of being able to gain employment, since may I have roughly, without exageration I'd estimate applied for around thirty jobs, and about ten in the last two weeks, these have resulted in four interviews, one of which has been successful. This was for work which lasted 4 days, and paid 4.80 an hour and resulted in me working around 50 hours for enough money to pay one months rent. Then there was the job where I got told that I was going to be too qulified for the position for answering phones, I assured them I wasn't. They said they'd ring back the next day, they did not. Then there was Ted Baker, an hour of being HINRG and buzzing and cool, trying to out posture the next in line resulted in a call back the next day, saying I wasn't what they were looking for, the girl was laughing, she was enjoying a joke that I wasn't exactly part of at the time. In the middle of this summer I ran so low on money I had to accept 100 pounds off my land lord for two weeks of work painting and grouting till I literally bled, and cried my way through cleaning up my rented home. I was bailed out by my parents to the tune of one thousand pounds which I desperately want to pay back, but have no means to. Lately this week I went to an interview which lasted all of thirty seconds, at home, deflated I was locked out of my room really all I wanted to do was play some music loudly, but couldn't so by the time Em came home and opened the door I burst into tears at her. I've also had a very bad cold for the last two weeks. Today I got my loan through till january.

I have £1,140
My rent £780
Travel £99
Phone £45
House Bills £40

Equals £176

The term is 11 weeks leaving me with 16 pounds a week to have food, and general up keep of my soul. Oh and I've got a cat now.

I'm not quite pawning my clothes yet, but yeah, I just needed it down in writing so I could see how little I had, so make myself behave.

I'm trying to get a grant and some money hand outs from my uni.

I'll keep you updated

Love as always

Down and out.