The Fantastic Four Bore

Well hello there and welcome to a brand new thing for me, a first bit of blogging on my laptop! Wizard cool eh? Not much of a difference for you mind, but that’s not the point, point is due to the wonders of wireless networking I’m writing this in the lounge and may well post this off from the garden, that’s technology my friends, that’s the future as we see and hear and read and WOW OH MY GOD I’M SO HAPPY!

Now then, what’s happening in the world of Toby, well I’m around a week older than the last post and around a grand poorer, however I have a lump of technology attached to me and that’ll keep me going for the next three years no problem, so yeah, investment in the future of a rising star of English literature, or expensive toy to watch comfort dvds when it all gets a bit much and I’m home sick. Probably a bit of both if we’re being honest.

So in the past week, hmm well went to go see Fantastic Four (against my will) on orange Wednesday and all that can be said is thank god that it was an orange Wednesday otherwise a gross injustice would have been served. The first was an utterly soulless piece of work and the second only builds on that frame. I think it suffers from some very fundamental flaws. Firstly, the superheros themselves, suck, right out, straight up aren’t very good. The stretchy captain fantastic, who…has long arms is constantly pushing the “learning is more cool than football” angle it just makes you want him to stretch tooooo far. His wife to be, can turn invisible…great if you’re eight. And a massive rock, which seems to be more of a disability than a superpower. Undeniably the human torch is way cool, but by the time you get round to that you’ve sort of lost interest. And with him really being the only one with a decent power the rest seem to just be following him round while he does all the cool things. The film struggles, constantly, to find disasters that could possibly use all their powers at once…and it’s just tiresome.

Another way this film falls down is the terrible, terrible, terrible, can’t say that enough acting. Everyone bar the human torch is embarrassing, the two characters who apparently due to get married behave more like brother and sister, and their thinking faces don’t much differ to their pain or anger or happy faces, they might as well used unknown actors and done it all on the cheap? And the guy from Nip/Tuck turning up again to revive his role as the campest and least scary villain of recent history with Action Man eyebrows hamming it up as the bad guy turning out closer to Freddy Mercury than Freddy Kruger.

So please, I know summer holidays are coming up, and what with the rain pissing down every five minutes a trip to the cinema could tempt you, but really…don’t see this. Or anything, I can’t really think of one film out at the moment that I want to see. The trip wasn’t a complete loss though however as the trailers showed me two films that I’ll definitely be exchanging my orange Wednesday codes for in coming weeks.

Firstly Evan Almighty looks really dodgy. It’s the sequel to Bruce Almighty, minus Jim Carey which should start alarm bells all over the shop but one important factors remains and that’s Steve Carell, the guy who single handedly stole the show in the first film remains and grows a beard, I dunno, I laughed at the way he said “sheep” so I might well enjoy this more than the average person. He’s part of that beautiful stable of stupid low brow movies that I honestly just lap up. Hah, so maybe that’s one to go see?

Also The Simpsons movie looks like it may well slay all those who see it, I was laughing about the trailer a full two hours after on the way out of the cinema… and here it is -

Okely, I’m off out, I’ve got more to say though so yaaaaarp I’ll be back!

Enjoy your Mondays.

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